I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
