We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize