Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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