The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
