Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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