just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize