I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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