Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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