i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
