Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
