drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
