No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
