I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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