Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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