I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm really busy with my period
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