Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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