Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
