saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Randomize
