i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
