i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Randomize
