he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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