Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
