We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
