Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
