Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
