Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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