God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
