I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
