do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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