i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize