If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
