I molested 6 butterflies tonight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
