im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
