I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If I die, sorry about rent.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
