i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
