Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
