I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize