He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Watching her eat just hurts me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
