I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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