my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
