i jhust puked up my retainher.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
