im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
