twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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