my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
