Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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