I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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