fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
