I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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