im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
