I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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