Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She's the barista slut.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
