I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
