And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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