We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
