Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Two words: blizzard sex
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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