girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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