Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
