I wish I could teleport
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My feet surprised me
Randomize
