Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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