its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
