I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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