I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
