Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
