I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
