Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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