benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
