Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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