My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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