I'm going to jail i love you
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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