Welp...herpes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
