The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
