You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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