This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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