I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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